A Heavy Burden
by Puddle Duk
Summary: What lies behind the red door?


A Heavy Burden.

He pushed his way through the door, the long black cloak billowing behind him as he crossed the threshold. The other patrons turned at the sudden interruption and stared blankly at the stranger that now lurked in the doorway. He was silhouetted against the backlight that was emanating from the few lamps lighting the alley. His face was shrouded in shadow, yet his black eyes still seemed to penetrate the darkness, glaring from beneath the hood as he floated into the room taking in his surroundings.

The door closed behind him and the room seemed to stir back to life, _if you could call it life_ he thought. He pitied these people, he thought them weak and pathetic. So what did that make him? he was here too wasn't he? he was about to become one of them. A failure? another wasted life that was full of wrong turns and bad choices. Did he not deserve to be happy even just for a moment.

He had done what he promised, and it killed him.

16 years the door had been appearing to him. 16 years he dismissed it calls.

16 years he bore the burden, the guilt and the shame. It was only due to recent events had he ever felt the urge to finally see the otherside. It was a place one could go to forget, a place where regrets didn't exist, where everything is forgiven, even if only for a moment. This time it appeared in a small dark corner of Knockturn Alley. To those lucky enough the door would never appear, he envied those people. But to those chosen few, the lost and the empty it was as clear as day. A tiny wooden door showing a single magical symbol, a glowing orange circle, inside was an inverted triangle with a smaller circle at its centre. It was not a symbol he was familiar with but then runes never were his choice subject. The door was old, dented and cracked, the once red paint flaking and peeling. An enchantment had been placed on the door meaning only those who felt a true despair could see it, only those who felt utter loneliness and loss would be permitted to enter. It was old magic and had been performed using an immense amount of skill. He was almost impressed.

The place was surrounded with protective wards, counter spells and countless enchantments. The only other place he could think that had so much protection was Hogwarts or maybe Gringotts. He'd asked about the door when it first appeared to him all those years ago in Godrics Hollow. Since that day it would always reveal itself to him when he was at his weakest, when he was at his most vulnerable. He read countless book in his research but he never found any mention of the place, or the door. There were rumours and whisperings, but mostly people didn't know what he was talking about when he questioned them, every now and then however, he would meet someone who also saw the door and he would have another piece of the puzzle and slowly began to realise what it was. Though no-one could tell him what awaited inside. He found himself drawn to it when it would reappear, he felt its grip tighten around him and pull him in, but he resisted. Until now.

He'd thought about coming here once before, all those years ago, but that was a different time. There was no saving him back then, he deserved to feel the way he did and no matter what, he would have to carry it with him for as long as he lived.

He glided across the room, his cloak trailing across the cracked wooden floor. He moved through the smoke filled bar like a shadow. The boards creaked and groaned with each step he took. The room was large but poorly lit, it was scattered with heavy wooden tables, each one lit by a single candle that flickered in the centre, the orange light danced in the dark, threatening to reveal what lay in the shadows. There were large cushioned chairs lining two of the walls, smoking bowls had been placed by each chair ready for use. Intricate archways had been cut into the wall and were shrouded in blankets of darkness. The room wasn't just full of wizards and witches, he saw a few Goblins grouped together at one table all sharing the same mist bowl, boiled unicorn hair, the vapour produced a euphoric sensation he remembered reading. He saw a centaur drinking deep from a bottle of thick blue liquid, Extract of Snapback root he realised, In its raw form it was quite deadly to most creatures, however, the way he was drinking he must have built up quite a tolerance. Amongst the wizards and witches he noticed some wore dress robes, ministry workers he realised. He wondered how the ministry might feel knowing some of their staff frequented places like this. It didn't really matter, he was sure they had bigger problems. They knew a war was coming, everything was about to change. Word hadn't reached this place yet, and for that he was grateful, but he knew it wouldn't last.

As he drifted through between tables and chairs, half unconscious wizards lay sprawled across the floor, witches hung lazily over the back of chairs, a house elf lay face down on the table mumbling incoherently in a pool of black liquid that was now spreading across the table, his tiny body twitching in what he assumed was pleasure. His eyes moved over the faces of those he passed, their eyes glazed as they tried to focus on him, slurring their words as they attempted to speak, some were gesturing wildly, waving their hands at nothing in particular like they were trying snatch imaginary pixies from out of thin air. He could see people hiding in the alcoves hunched over and laughing violently. It seemed the Alcoves were also enchanted as no sound could be heard, a simple Imperturbable Charm he thought.

A wizard in a ragged and tattered cloak looked up from his table and stared directly at him, his eyes wide with panic "WHERE IS SHE?" the man screamed, his hand reached out and took a fistful of cloak. His eyes glowing red like two fireballs had been set into the sockets, he was pale and sweating "where is she?" he whimpered, slurring each word. He had a dwindling pile of leaves on the table in front of him, his breath smelt like rotten meat and his tongue was a thick black slug in his mouth. He'd read that it was a side effect you can only get from years of using giants bain "where is she?" the tattered wizard released his grip on the cloak "where is she?" he picked up one the leaves that lay in front of him. They were green with flecks of yellow and purple, they could be used as a powerful pain killer or in small doses a relaxing cup of tea. But in its raw unprocessed form it acted as a very powerful mind altering substance. The wizard placed it on his tongue and closed his mouth. His eyes rolled back in to his head and he breathed deep through his nose. The leaf would soon dissolve and with it all of the man's cares and worries "where…is…" He didn't see any need to reply.

His eye was drawn to the back of the room. Through the clouds of smoke he saw a man stood at a counter, he was cleaning what appeared to be pipes and glasses of different shapes and colours, Behind him was row after row of jars, bottles and glasses all containing some plant, herb or medicine of some kind. He knew them all of course, some he even kept some himself, others he had only read about but he knew what they were used for. Some were extremely rare and very difficult to obtain unless you had a ministry license and he very much doubted this place had a license.

As he approached the bar the man stopped cleaning a rather large smoking bowl, he placed it on the self behind him "We have been waiting to see you" he spoke in a low hushed tone as if he not dare disturb the atmosphere of the room "we have been waiting a long time" his voice seemed to echo regardless of volume "16 years we have been waiting" his voice wasn't echoing, it wasn't just one voice, It was a chorus of voices all speaking in harmony, it was hauntingly beautiful "tell us…why have you not come to us before this night?…Severus"

"You know who I am?" Snape demanded. He removed his hood, flicking back his jet black greasy hair. "We know all those who suffer, we are created from the despair, the sorrow, the anguish, the fear" it spoke in Snape's voice "we are you".

"what…are you?" Snape drolled. In all his years at Hogwarts, all the time he spent practicing the dark arts there was no mention of the creature that now stood before him "we are you, we are born of you, we exist because you suffer" at any other time he would likely be fascinated by the creature, but he wasn't, his crushing sadness seemed to have dulled his curiosity.

He took a seat, waving his cloak behind him as he sat so it settled perfectly around him, and ordered a fire whisky "you said you were waiting for me. What did you mean?" he enquired of the creature. It looked and acted like a man but behind the eyes was nothing, pure black, a mindless puppet acting as host to many. It poured the fire whisky into a small purple glass. As the warm honey coloured liquid filled the glass it began to glow, a simple charm, mainly for effect.

"Yours was a great sadness, yours was a loss we couldn't wait to taste" the creature licked it lips as Snape shot back the fire whisky and placed the glass back on the bar "you feast on the pain of others?" he said in disgust, the creature poured another shot and once again the glass began to glow this time it was green "we give them ways to escape, we give them ways to forget, and little by little we feast".

Snape shot back another fire whisky, he slammed the glass down on the bar "you remove it permanently?" he motioned for another glass. The creature began to pour "we do, eventually you all forget. But you, you we could feed on you forever" the creature sneered at him. He shot back his third drink and slammed the glass upside down on the bar "I'm am afraid I must decline" he said sounding very disappointed. He stood and pulled up his hood, once again his face cast in shadow "good day". The creature was clearly disappointed "WHAT? NO" it slammed its fist on the bar making some of the other patrons turn, some were too incapacitated to know what was happening "16 years we have waited, we will not be denied any longer" Snape felt his wand drop out of his sleeve and fall comfortably into his hand, a split second later it was pointed directly at the creature "you dare threaten me?" he was saying through gritted teeth "it is my burden to carry, all of it. Everything I have done, everything I am about to do. Do not assume for one second my willingness to temporarily relieve my burden…..." he twisted his wrist as he aimed the wand directly at the creature's human like face, which was now shifting and distorting in rage "...means I am not prepared to live with it, with all of it. I made a promise and it is mine to carry." he lowered the wand and placed it in his pocket "so no, I cannot allow you to take…one…drop" he turned and headed for the exit.

"We will see you soon Severus" the creature called to him "you know what he's about to do" but Snape kept walking. Just as he reached the door, a clearly flustered wizard burst through, his face contorted with fear. He was mumbling something Snape couldn't make out, he brushed past him, and was then out of the door and into the night. As the door closed behind him and his memory of the creature and his time in the bar began to fade he heard heard a man shout "Dumbledore is dead".

The end


End file.
